Cold Steel Jokes Of The Month
Post your joke on the Cold Steel Forums and have a chance to win a free Cold Steel T-shirt, Pocket Shark, and a Kudu.
* All jokes must be appropriate for all ages and gender.
* Post your joke on the Cold Steel Forums to enter the contest.
Are You a Republican, Democrat, or Southerner?
The answer can be found by answering the following question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock .40 caliber, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?
Republican's Answer:
BANG!
Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
Southerner's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! Click "Damn! I'm out!"
Daughter: "Nice pattern Daddy! Were those the Silver Tips, black talons, or them new Hollow Points?"
Son: "Can I shoot the next one Daddy?"
Wife: "You ain't takin' THAT to no Taxidermist!"
The girlfriend said to me... "Why is it so difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good- looking"?
So I said to her... "that's because they already have boyfriends".
How the Fight Started
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One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift..
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
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My wife walked into the den & asked "Whats on the tv?"
I replied "Dust".
And that's how the fight started.....
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A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And that's how the fight started......
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds. '
I bought her a scale.
And that's how the fight started.....
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I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'
And that's when the fight started....
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My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'
So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'
And that's when the fight started....
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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer
would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And that's when the fight started.....
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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And that's when the fight started.....
A trucker walks into a bar and orders a drink.
He sees a small man in a suit sitting next to him so he decieds to mess with him while he waits, he grabs the small mans shot glass and downs the drink.
The man looks up at him and says.
"Come on man! Why did you have to do that!?"
The trucker laughs and says.
"Dont worry little buddy, I'll get you new drink."
"Its not that." Pined the little man.
"I was late for work, and when I get there they fire me.
When I get to the parking lot I find my car has been stolen, so I walk home.
When I get there I find my wife in bed with 2 other men!
And then when I'm sitting here decieding if I should end it all, you walk up and drink my poison!"
Little Zachary was doing very badly in math.
His parents had tried everything...tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers.
In short, everything they could think of to help his math.
Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him In the local Catholic school.
After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face.
He didn't even kiss his mother hello.
Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying.
Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work.
His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner..
To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before.
This went on For some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.
Finally, little Zachary brought home his report Card..
He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books..
With great trepidation, His Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, Little Zachary got an 'A' in math.
She could no longer hold her curiosity.
She went to his room and said, 'Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?'
Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.
'Well, then,' she replied, Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT?'
Little Zachary looked at her and said,
'Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around.'
